There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My ass is underappreciated
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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