I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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