whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up under a house in Key West
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