omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
