You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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