its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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