Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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