I bet he comes in French.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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