What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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