any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
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You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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