She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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