Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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