if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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