Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize