we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
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It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
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Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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