i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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