Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
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It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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