The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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