hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't think brook has ever known best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize