I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize