I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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