dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
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Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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