It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
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Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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