Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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