Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize