i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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