I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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