The best revenge is premature balding
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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