five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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