i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize