I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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