yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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