i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize