It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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