I think my vagina is haunted
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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