You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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