You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize