I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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