I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize