i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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