just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
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Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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