We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
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Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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