Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize