Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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