made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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