Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3pm strippers are depressing
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize