You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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