Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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