addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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