Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
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The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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