I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
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i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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